Jeremiah's School of Levitation


Thursday, April 13, 2006

The Ultra-PC Conscious World-Saving Hippie Free Love Purchase of the Day Award

Wherein we take a moment to appreciate the contributions to consumer activism that brave yet sensitive souls have undertaken, often with nary a care to reasonable prices or even with overall usefulness and/or palatability of the politically-correct product that they purchased.

So, with no mo' adoo, let me award the first Ultra-PC Conscious World-Saving Hippie Free Love Purchase of the Day Award to (baddda daddda daddda daddda)(that's a drum roll)...

My Wife!

Huh? Seem a little unfair? A little nepotistic? Well, then, I bet you can't top this:

She came home yesterday with a purchase that brought a sniffle to my nose. She had a big can of

Organic Fair Trade Shade Grown Ethiopian Coffee.

I'm not kidding. I mean, good goobledy goop, she covered all the dang bases! She, with one purchase, sent a PC holler of "Cry Freedom!" heard all 'round glorious Mother Gaia. Owls hooted, dreamcatchers shivered, and the faint, ancienty sound of wood flutes could be heard descending from the sky. Wow.

Let's break it down. Organic: No more impurities entering our bodies than usual. She's saving our guts (literally) and supporting organic farming.

Fair Trade: She shows her staunch support for international labor, environment and social standards for the production of traded goods and services! Wow! (I at first thought it said "free trade" which I'm sure she supports too, but just couldn't find it on a coffee can.)

Shade Grown: She's saving the tropical birds and the trees!

and Ethiopian: She's supporting an economically-depressed African nation.

Man. That's some powerful purchasing. I commended her heartily. And, though even a thickly brewed cup of the coffee tasted like "brown water" (her actual words), she had made her statement and, friends, it's all about attitude anyway, right?

So, in her honor, I've decided that I'm going to make dinner tonight. Yep. I'm going to cook us up a nice steaming plate of roasted eagle. Mmmm! Activism makes me hungry!

(No eagles will be harmed in the creation of dinner for my wife.)
Jeremiah, 10:44 AM

2 Back at me:

Day-em, she beats me! The earthiest I get is hormone-free grass-fed cattle raised by my friend, who lovingly pets his bovine amigos every day to ensure tender meat. And then he has them gingerly slaughtered and we cook their ruddy carcasses for 38.3 seconds before devouring their delicious rare goodness.

But I shower with Dr. Bronners Peppermint Soap, I don't know if that counteracts any bad red-meat karma or not.
Blogger Mona Buonanotte, at 11:16 AM  
So.... where can I get me some of that coffee?
Blogger Sarah Elaine, at 1:54 PM  

Say sump-tun