Jeremiah's School of Levitation
Upsy-Daisy!
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
I've Avoided Talking About Boogers for Too Long Now
Here, folks, is an article by a supposedly respected Austrian doctor. I hope this article doesn't catch you in the act. It is a real article, as far as my research on Google that consisted of one search and three clicks, can determine.
(the search keywords, by the way, were "eating boogers" and, no I won't answer any questions about that and no, it won't be in my meme):
---
Picking your nose and eating it is one of the best ways to stay healthy, according to a top Austrian doctor.
Innsbruck-based lung specialist Prof Dr Friedrich Bischinger said people who pick their noses with their fingers were healthy, happier and probably better in tune with their bodies.
He says society should adopt a new approach to nose-picking and encourage children to take it up.
Dr Bischinger said: "With the finger you can get to places you just can't reach with a handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner.
"And eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of strengthening the body's immune system.
"Medically it makes great sense and is a perfectly natural thing to do. In terms of the immune system the nose is a filter in which a great deal of bacteria are collected, and when this mixture arrives in the intestines it works just like a medicine.
"Modern medicine is constantly trying to do the same thing through far more complicated methods, people who pick their nose and eat it get a natural boost to their immune system for free."
He pointed out that children happily pick their noses, yet by the time they have become adults they have stopped under pressure from a society that has branded it disgusting and anti social.
He said: "I would recommend a new approach where children are encouraged to pick their nose. It is a completely natural response and medically a good idea as well."
And he pointed out that if anyone was really worried about what their neighbour was thinking, they could still enjoy picking their nose in private if they still wanted to get the benefits it offered.
---
Okay, there you go. Now, three things:
1) Okay, now some of us surely had a little taste of our noses, have we not? Okay, sure, I'll let you slide if you admit that you were just a kid and, well, kids will put anything in their mouth that fits, even if they have to break it first.
So, yeah, when Jeremiah was a little KID, he can remember tasting a few things that probably would cause instant projectile vomiting if they were mentioned, so, in light of that, I'll keep it PG-rated and just say this: grasshoppers taste better than ticks, frosted dog food is really no better than regular dry dog food, earwax does NOT taste like candle wax, and well, boogers are kind of like chicken--chicken skin, that is. So, the question to you is, "When did you last?" Don't worry, you don't have to answer, and, no, no one saw it. Especially if you were in your car because, we all know, car windows make you invisible.
2) What sort of doctor would advocate eating boogers? Even if the quack thought that chewing on dried snot was a good thing, why would he risk WORLDWIDE ridicule by saying it?
What would you think of your doctor if, after a routine exam, he glanced around and then leaned toward you and whispered "Say, you ever eat your boogers? You should try it. It's good for you. In fact..." The doc then digs around in his own nose, frowns, then yanks his finger out with a little crown jewel sitting on the tip, and he sucks it up into his mouth and chews and grins. "Yeah," he says. "Now that hit the spot."
I bet that you will calmly walk out and schedule your next checkup for sometime next year WITH ANOTHER FREAKIN' DOCTOR IN AN OFFICE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN!!
Then again, it's like that famous quote: "Two out of three dentists recommend sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum." I mean, TWO OUT OF THREE? What did one out of three say? "Oh man. Sugarless schmugarless. Not only should you chew sugared gum, but you should keep packs of sugar in your pocket to dip the gum in to RE-SWEETEN it when it goes dry. Yeah, boy!" Or, maybe just eat sugared boogers.
3) Assuming that, at least, you DO pick your nose, what do you do with the boogers? Men, I've noticed, smear them on the walls over the urinals in the bathroom. Nice. Other folks just flick them into the air to land wherever, or remain aloft in the wind to maybe relocate in a prettier, sexier, more intelligent nose. Handkerchiefs are another option, though I've always been grossed out by handkerchiefs. How could you carry around those things? To me, it would be like clipping your toenails and then gathering up the clippings and putting them in a locket.
Well, I'm not really asking anyone to tell me what they do with their boogers. I'm just wondering. That would be too much information, unless, that is, you're putting them somewhere where I might sit or something.
Okay, anyway, my point is, that I was thinking of creating a travelling troupe of misfit, arcane performance artists and I think I've now found the perfect name: The Sugared Boogers. Your perfect pick for an evening of entertainment.
(the search keywords, by the way, were "eating boogers" and, no I won't answer any questions about that and no, it won't be in my meme):
---
Picking your nose and eating it is one of the best ways to stay healthy, according to a top Austrian doctor.
Innsbruck-based lung specialist Prof Dr Friedrich Bischinger said people who pick their noses with their fingers were healthy, happier and probably better in tune with their bodies.
He says society should adopt a new approach to nose-picking and encourage children to take it up.
Dr Bischinger said: "With the finger you can get to places you just can't reach with a handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner.
"And eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of strengthening the body's immune system.
"Medically it makes great sense and is a perfectly natural thing to do. In terms of the immune system the nose is a filter in which a great deal of bacteria are collected, and when this mixture arrives in the intestines it works just like a medicine.
"Modern medicine is constantly trying to do the same thing through far more complicated methods, people who pick their nose and eat it get a natural boost to their immune system for free."
He pointed out that children happily pick their noses, yet by the time they have become adults they have stopped under pressure from a society that has branded it disgusting and anti social.
He said: "I would recommend a new approach where children are encouraged to pick their nose. It is a completely natural response and medically a good idea as well."
And he pointed out that if anyone was really worried about what their neighbour was thinking, they could still enjoy picking their nose in private if they still wanted to get the benefits it offered.
---
Okay, there you go. Now, three things:
1) Okay, now some of us surely had a little taste of our noses, have we not? Okay, sure, I'll let you slide if you admit that you were just a kid and, well, kids will put anything in their mouth that fits, even if they have to break it first.
So, yeah, when Jeremiah was a little KID, he can remember tasting a few things that probably would cause instant projectile vomiting if they were mentioned, so, in light of that, I'll keep it PG-rated and just say this: grasshoppers taste better than ticks, frosted dog food is really no better than regular dry dog food, earwax does NOT taste like candle wax, and well, boogers are kind of like chicken--chicken skin, that is. So, the question to you is, "When did you last?" Don't worry, you don't have to answer, and, no, no one saw it. Especially if you were in your car because, we all know, car windows make you invisible.
2) What sort of doctor would advocate eating boogers? Even if the quack thought that chewing on dried snot was a good thing, why would he risk WORLDWIDE ridicule by saying it?
What would you think of your doctor if, after a routine exam, he glanced around and then leaned toward you and whispered "Say, you ever eat your boogers? You should try it. It's good for you. In fact..." The doc then digs around in his own nose, frowns, then yanks his finger out with a little crown jewel sitting on the tip, and he sucks it up into his mouth and chews and grins. "Yeah," he says. "Now that hit the spot."
I bet that you will calmly walk out and schedule your next checkup for sometime next year WITH ANOTHER FREAKIN' DOCTOR IN AN OFFICE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN!!
Then again, it's like that famous quote: "Two out of three dentists recommend sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum." I mean, TWO OUT OF THREE? What did one out of three say? "Oh man. Sugarless schmugarless. Not only should you chew sugared gum, but you should keep packs of sugar in your pocket to dip the gum in to RE-SWEETEN it when it goes dry. Yeah, boy!" Or, maybe just eat sugared boogers.
3) Assuming that, at least, you DO pick your nose, what do you do with the boogers? Men, I've noticed, smear them on the walls over the urinals in the bathroom. Nice. Other folks just flick them into the air to land wherever, or remain aloft in the wind to maybe relocate in a prettier, sexier, more intelligent nose. Handkerchiefs are another option, though I've always been grossed out by handkerchiefs. How could you carry around those things? To me, it would be like clipping your toenails and then gathering up the clippings and putting them in a locket.
Well, I'm not really asking anyone to tell me what they do with their boogers. I'm just wondering. That would be too much information, unless, that is, you're putting them somewhere where I might sit or something.
Okay, anyway, my point is, that I was thinking of creating a travelling troupe of misfit, arcane performance artists and I think I've now found the perfect name: The Sugared Boogers. Your perfect pick for an evening of entertainment.
Elliot, 10:02 AM
2 Back at me:
We call 'em "nose goblins".
I eat Potted Meat Food Product. And scrapple. And LIKE them. But I can honestly say I don't ever remember eating a booger. I have eaten rattlesnake, and that stuff's tasty if seasoned right.
I eat Potted Meat Food Product. And scrapple. And LIKE them. But I can honestly say I don't ever remember eating a booger. I have eaten rattlesnake, and that stuff's tasty if seasoned right.
that almost makes me want to toss my cookies...
EWWWWWWWW.....
(however, you don't want to say toss in the UK. it's slang for masturbation.)
EWWWWWWWW.....
(however, you don't want to say toss in the UK. it's slang for masturbation.)
