Jeremiah's School of Levitation

I wonder if my habit of daily exercise is actually breaking me down instead of building me up. Case in point:

Yesterday, my youngest son's baseball coach surprised us and stopped by to give my son a nice, well-worn glove. My son's last glove developed a split in the palm, but he wouldn't part with it (that was something of a pun, wasn't it?). I had bought him a new one, but my son said it was too stiff and he wouldn't use it. So coach, very slyly, decided to just dig him out a broken-in, but still intact one, and deliver it personally. This way, Coach seems like a concerned authority figure (which he really is) and, at the same time, takes care of one his star players, making sure he's fully ready for tomorrow's big game, which, if we win, we clinch the division title and second seed in the playoffs. So, my son loves the glove, of course, because Coach gave it to him personally, and I am happy for Coach's visit, so we're all grinning. Coach brought his son, who is also quite a player himself, so I thought I'd make his son happy by showing him the Egg Trick.

We have a chicken, as I may have mentioned at some point in the past, and there conveniently was an egg lying in her nest. I retrieved it and presented it to the coach's son and I said, in true circus sideshow huckster style: "Son, have you ever seen the Egg Trick?"

He shook his head.

"Well!" I said. "Looks like you're in for a treat." These were to turn out to be the stupidest words I'd uttered that day.

The Egg Trick is simple. You take an egg, and squeeze it between your hands as hard as you can. Now, before you go rush to try it, let me say that the success of the trick is completely dependent upon WHERE you squeeze the egg.

You squeeze the egg on the long sides, and it explodes into a shower of yolk and slime. The trick bombs.

But, try placing one pointed end in one palm and the other slightly less pointed end in the opposite palm (well, these aren't "pointed" ends per se, but rather the most sharply rounded of the egg sides, or what you'd probably call the "top and the bottom" of the egg--as they sit in the egg carton) and then pushing your palms together, squeezing the egg as hard as you can. You can exert as much pressure as you want--the egg will not break. I'm not lying here. Someone showed me that and I figured I was about to fall for the oldest bar trick ever. But, I tried it anyway and, guess what? I have yet to break a single egg, no matter how hard I squeezed.

(I'll pause here for you to go try it. It really works.)

So, anyway, I showed the coach's son this trick, and Coach watched with some measure of amazement as the egg did not break. Now, in showing this to Coach, I decided I'd press as hard as I could on the egg, I suppose just to impress Coach with my manliness. I pressed so hard that my shoulders began to shake. I pressed so hard that my hands started to vibrate. I pressed so hard that I sprouted a toothy "Wallace and Grommit" grimmace on my face. And, apparently, I pressed so hard that, somewhere in between my shoulder blades, a muscle hit a low "C" and sounded out with an ominous twang, which was accompanied by no pain. At first.

After the whole amazement of the trick passed for Coach and his son, we went on talking about other things. As we talked, I could feel a heaviness spread through my upper back and my neck. In five minutes, it felt like I was carrying a concrete slab on my back. I was in some serious pain!

After Coach left, I let my eyes go to tears. Oh crap, I thought. I hurt myself squeezing a freaking EGG! My shoulders and neck were eating me up from the inside out. I had visions of Doan's Pills dancing in my head. Folks, I was dying!

I went through the whole night wincing at every move I made. I talked to a friend of mine and he said that I probably pinched a nerve, seeing that the move I made was one of the most compromising situations I could put my back in. My wife grinned at the fact that, just the other day, I was proclaiming that, due to my renewed vigor and prowess in the gym, I'm stronger now than I was in college and, now, here I am hunching and lurching around like Igor because squeezing an egg popped a nerve in my back!

So, apparently, something DOES break when you squeeze the egg. And, apparently, I HAVE fallen for a very old bar trick. I hope that either you passed on your chance to try the Egg Trick, or that you don't exercise, thereby, weakening yourself to be unable to withstand the attack of an egg.

I think I'll go crack an egg both as revenge and just to restore some semblance of respect. Or, maybe this is just poetic justice for all those scrambled eggs I've thoughtlessly eaten over the years.

Okay, fine. Sorry, egg. You win this one...

My husband did the 'egg trick' with our son a few weeks ago. While he didn't twang his back, he did, I believe, finally break the thing (by holding it the wrong way) and had to clean up the mess.

Sorry 'bout your back. Bayer (I think) makes these awesome back pads that heat up when you expose them to air and they stay warm for 8 hours. They are HEAVEN. (This coming from someone who twice yearly tweaks out her back for no apparent reason...maybe eating too many eggs?)

Good luck!

oh wow!!! that's a drag...

have you tried a heating pad? bag of frozen peas? advil? leeches? fruitcake?

will be thinking of you....

IPM is on to something I think... fruitcake... better than a frozen steak, I tell you!

I vote for massage... Though failing that, fruitcake with a tequila chaser should help.