Jeremiah's School of Levitation

Over afternoon beer, (a few pitchers of Immortal IPA--good stuff) after the edible plant sale where we encountered some of the slumming elite of the Great Northwest, my family and some family friends got to discussing wealth. Because we live in the Kingdom of Bill Gates, the subject of wealth comes up often around here.

By the way, I heard that a dip in Microsoft's stock dropped Microsoft's wealth by 32 billion dollars. That's huge. It's an amount of money that, according to PajamasMedia, is "enough to buy Starbucks, with plenty left over to treat everyone in China to a tall cafe Americano."

As a result, King Gates' personal wealth fell 3 billion dollars. But, don't cry for him, Argentina: he's still worth 47 BILLION DOLLARS. So, you can put away those donations to the Gates family you were scrambling to make.

Say, for some fun, let's do some watery Jeremiah math! A generation, which can be defined many ways, but which I decide to define as the age difference between parents and children, which I also decide to assume, is roughly 25 years. So, one generation is 25 years. 20 generations is then 500 years. Figuring that each generation of the Gates family will consist of 2 kids, that is 1000 years worth of generation-years. If each year, each kid spends 20 million dollars then, as a family, they will have spent 20 thousand million dollars over the course of 1000 generation-years. That comes out to 20 billion dollars.

So, because Bill Most High already has 47 billion dollars to call his own, then that means that not one of the 2 kids of each generation needs to do a goddammned lick of work, or earn a penny in their entire priviledged lives, and they can still have a 20 million dollar bank account refreshed each Jan. 1 for 25 of their generational years. Wow. So, really, we could double our figures, either add more kids or more generations, and still there's 7 billion dollars just floating around. And that's AFTER his net worth went down 3 billion.

Okay, now I've made myself sick. I hate math.

So, anyway, we got to talking about wealth, and I realized something. I realized that what I love about wealth is not the fact that if I was wealthy, I could do any damn thing I wanted. No. What I love about the thought of being wealthy is that I DON'T HAVE TO DO A DAMN THING! I could sit around all day and watch my pet jellyfish swim, or I could draw comics, write, read, and make music. And, in between all that action, I'd sleep, maybe take a walk and purposely take streets I've never taken just so I can get lost and can listen to my iPod longer. What a life.

Surely, you say, you'd get so bored that you would strike up conversations with the guy trimming the tree next door, even pull up a chair to him and offer to hold the cord on his power tools for him (which, in some circles, might be considered lewd). And, I agree. There are some people who would get bored. But, I don't get bored. As long as something's moving in front of me, or I have something to read, I'm not bored. And, if I need a change of lounging scenery, I'll just go to the beach and then commence to doing nothing again.

Some people believe in reincarnation, and some of those believe that we begin our human journey as spiritual infants but, each successive return to this life heaps more and more life and spiritual experience upon our souls, thereby making us spiritually wiser. After being reincarnated a few times, we are finally fully mature spiritual beings, or "old souls" and that maturity is reflected in the human life we perpetuate. Old souls are generally people who just want to sit down. Conversely, spiritual infants, though more active, are vehemently naive. So, with that in mind, I often wonder which end of the reincarnational scale I'm on. Would I sit on my riches because I've seen it all already, and just want to sit down now, or would I be idle and just enjoy being idle because I am the spiritual equivalent of a newborn snail? I certainly don't have the "gotta gettit anyway I can gettit" attitude, so I'm not in the middle of my reincarnational cycle, which is where I'm guessing all the Bill Gates and corporate-world rat-racers are. I'm on one of those extreme ends, I'm sure.

But, I don't know. If I was rich, I'd sit around watching my jellyfish and ponder on all that. Right after my nap, that is.

I'm with you...I'd NEVER get bored if I were uber-wealthy. I'd volunteer, I'd nap, I'd go on vacation (vacation? what's that?). I'd buy a new school bus and playground equipment for the school. I'd finally buy myself some clothes NOT on the sale rack. I'd eat ice cream every damn day AND get liposuction if my habit got to be too much.

Y'know, your math doesn't figure in interest income or stock dividends if invested, and that in itself makes MY head hurt.

I'm buying a lottery ticket tonight, any lucky numbers I should play?

There's only so many cocktails you can drink on the beach before life becomes dull - especially when all your FRIENDS are working THEIR tails off and don't have time to socialize with you... unless of course you pay them.

Mona: Oh yeah, interest and stock. Yep, instant nausea. And, do what I do and play Dallas Cowboy hall of famers numbers. For you, maybe Detroit Red Wings...

TG: Oh, lunch/dinner/sleepovers/weekends with the friends is always on the schedule! The group that we fantasized with over beer all made a pact to stick together, even through wretched wealth.