Jeremiah's School of Levitation

Things I heard this weekend while not minding my own business:

• "The fastest plane in the world is the SR71 and it was designed in 1956 with a slide rule. It goes Mach 7, which is 7 times the speed of sound. The speed of sound is 729 mph at sea level, so this plane goes something like 5000 mph. It goes so fast that it glows white. The fuel can't be ignited even by throwing a match in it. It requires some sort of pre-ignition process. The engine actually leaks fuel when the plane is grounded, but when it flies, the heat of the flight expands the fuel tank, thereby sealing it. Oh, there are probably faster planes, but that information is classified. Suffice to say, if you ever see a UFO, you're probably not seeing aliens."
  
  
• "Some men need to get some testosterone and stop being wimps. Sure, we want sensitive men, but not whining men. Well, no we don't want men that sensitive. For instance, men shouldn't write poetry. I once dated a guy who wrote poetry. He wrote me a poem every day. Yeech!"
  
  
• "Look, that's the bitch's car. I'm going to KEY her car and I'm going to PEE on his car. You don't believe me? You don't think I'll do it?"
  
  
• "You can only take so much of Robin Williams on a GOOD day..."
  
  
• "And you know what each one of them says? They say 'So, is it hot enough for ya?' I hate that. I hate it. I have to resist choking them. Arrrgh!"
  
  
• "I tol' him he need to get on up out a' that shit and get on, 'cuz, he be coming up in here and all that shit and I ain't got the time, you know?"
  
  
• "I'll take a bloody mary now. I don't drink martinis until the afternoon. I'm Italian."
  

That girl who doesn't like guys who write poetry sounds like me. (Present company excluded of course... I'm sure YOUR poetry is wonderful ;-)

As for the Italian drinker, that one made me howl!

That's one pissed off person... keying and peeing!

Robin's priceless.

Jet airplane talk makes me all gooshy and ooshy inside.... Mmmm....

(No lie...it's one of my weirder quirks.)

Sarah: Though I do write poetry, I've never been guilty of subjecting any girlfriends (and now, my wife) to daily doses of it. I think I may have been more guilty of "mix-taping" them to exhaustion!

TG: By the way, she really did it too. This happened at 3am and she was on her cell phone across the street. She had wandered up to her ex-boyfriend's house and was pissed off and decided to do the deed. We called 911 on her, but she got away. Ah, life in the big city...

Mona: You sure that jet airplane talk doesn't just remind you of Tom Cruise in Top Gun? ADMIT IT! :)

By the way, I checked that guy's facts on the SR71--he was way wrong about the speed--it actually tops out at Mach 3. No plane really goes Mach 7--at least nothing UNclassified (well, maybe Mel Gibson's career is plunging at about Mach 7 now...)