Jeremiah's School of Levitation

Yeah, so, I was talking to Quotable Co-Worker Number Two, who I call quotable because she can be counted on to say something unintentially witty/cutting/ humorously obtuse just about everytime we speak (Quotable Co-Worker Number One does the same thing, except she does it intentionally, and with great effect, which is why she's number one). Number 2 and I were at an office gathering featuring beer and videos, and we were watching a video of a guy on a jet ski. She turns to me and says, "I used to date a guy who rode a jet-ski."

"Oh," I said. "Cool."

"I loved riding jet-skis," she said.

"Cool," I said. "What happened to him?"

"Nothing. I dumped him. He was getting weird."

"Makes sense," I said. "I'm sure I've been dumped for that reason."

"Yeah," she said. "He wanted more than I did, so I dumped him."

"Too bad," I said.

Normal conversation to this point, right? Well, leave it up to Number 2 to mess that up, because, then she said:

"But, he got weirder after that."

"Oh yeah?" I said.

"Yeah. He just couldn't get it through his head that it was over."

"Yeah," I said. "I've had that problem myself, in my younger, more idealistic days. Did you tell him point blank that it was over? You know, sometimes you ladies talk around the feelings and leave us hanging."

"Oh no," she said. "I told him, point blank, 'It's over. We are no longer seeing each other. Goodbye.'"

I crinkled up my face. "Wow. Okay, he did have a problem, didn't he? What could possibly make him think you were still an item after that?"

"Well, I think it was because I asked him to go to France with me," she said.

My eyes did the Buckwheat bulge. "WHAT?"

"Yeah. We always travelled well together, so, a few months after we broke up, I had a chance to go to France, and take a friend, so I asked him to come along," she said. "He interpreted that to mean that we were going to get back together."

I couldn't help but frown. "Oh, he DID? Silly fool!"

She could detect my sarcasm. "Well, I mean, we were broken up! I thought I made that clear."

I took a deep breath. "Let me get this straight. You asked a guy, a former lover, to accompany you to the slightly romantic land of France, alone, and you don't expect him to think that's a come on? If an ex asked me to meet her alone at the water fountain down the hall, I'd think that was a come on, much less if she'd asked me to go to damn FRANCE!"

"You don't understand," she said.

"No, I don't," I said. "Man, what you ladies do to our hearts sometimes."

"He should have known! I told him we were broken up!"

"So," I said, "You bring a gun into a bank, lay it on the counter in front of the teller, tell her you are not going to rob her and not to worry about the gun, and then say you want to withdraw some money from your account. Would you be surprised if the teller panicked and the cops showed up and dragged you off? What would you say to them? 'Hey, I TOLD her I wasn't going to rob her!"

She just frowned. "You don't understand."

Then she smiled. "But, I see your point. Still, he was an idiot. That was a terribly sad trip we took."

I just shook my head, because I really don't understand. Not that boys and girls, even ex's, can't be travel partners, but, apparently, something didn't get communicated. Maybe more time should have gone by, maybe more things should have been made clear at the beginning. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I just feel for the guy, is all. We work so hard sometimes, and fall so hard a lot of times--I bet it hurts.

But, we gotta grow up, huh? I grew up. I'm glad that I don't have to feel that greasy, hairy "what is she doing to me?" feeling in my stomach anymore. Not that I didn't like the journey to that greasy, hairy feeling, but, my legs was getting tired.

And, though it is possible that men definitely bring some craziness to the table, it is also possible to DRIVE US CRAZY! But, as Frank Sinatra sang, no matter how bad love treats us sometimes, we wanna go right back to it:

"The broken dates - the endless waits
The lovely loving - and the hateful hates
The conversation - with the flying plates
I wish I were in love again..."

Guilty. I hate being the Baddie. I'd always use the 'it's not you it's me' thing, which is NEVER true. It's ALWAYS the other person.

I broke it off finally (I thought) with my high school boyfriend when he got 'weird' and he just started blaming things on me..."If you hadn't broken up w/me, I never would have gotten drunk and smashed my car." Yeah, THAT makes me want you back, Cletus....

Thanks for this - what timing.

Mona: Yeah, we do some dumb stuff and think it's impressive. For instance, yelling out of the car at a pretty girl. I never got that. Did some guy yelling "Hey Baby!" at you from their car ever work?

TG: Oh? You involved in some twisty love mixup?

J - That could be it... or simply an err in communicating. Reminds me of the Snowbirds - those fighter jets that fly so very close to each other, but never truly connect. Then again, the Snowbirds have a "synch." I haven't been able to achieve.