Jeremiah's School of Levitation
Upsy-Daisy!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
The Lame--I Mean--GREAT-est Story Ever Told
Ooooh-kay.
The big story in my humble town, in some circles, goes a little something like this:
A guy. A middle-aged, married, healthy, frisky-looking Northwest type, went jogging one Friday evening. He drove his car to a wooded spot and set upon the trails therein. At some point, he disappeared. A great big search ensued, taking the time of over 200 people, and a few dogs. Frowny news people reported, at the top of the hour, about everyone's diligence in trying to find this man. Despite all that, he was not found, and the search got called off. The worst got feared.
But, happy ending! Three days later, he wanders into his house at 11pm, to an understandably shocked wife. He had no scratches, no health issues, and, depending upon who you ask, no explanation as to why he went missing. Not that he didn't proffer an explanation: according to him, he did actually go jogging, but then fell off a ravine, got a knock on the head, and, for the next three days, drifted in and out of consciousness and, while drifting, remained fairly immobile.
However, he finally drifted back in long enough to make his way home and, now, it looks like an official miracle that he's alive.
Ooooh-kay.
Off the bat, let me make it clear, as our local police have done, that I will not officially dispute his story (I'll raise a bushy brow, all Mr. Spock-like, maybe, but not officially dispute). We have no idea what really happened to him. There are stories of college that I still tell that, if you buy me enough drinks (or give me a blog) I'll admit that I'm not so sure it actually happened the way I told it, though "that wedding party" and "the bride who invited me back to the hot tub" did, at some point, really occur on the same night. However, I can't say for sure that the very clothes-optional, clandestine, rum-heavy evening where I had to escape via the woods really happened exactly THAT evening.
But, what I WILL say is that, from the subsequent online reader comments tacked onto that jogger story, people have had varying "interpretations" of what may actually have happened on his evening (or three), and they range from "yeah, that could happen" to "hey, the guy may have mental problems" to "maybe he was abducted by aliens" to "okay, that was the lamest way to conceal an affair that I ever heard." It all proved to me that perspective, compassion (however misplaced), mixed with a little subjectivity (including some latent guilt about having told your own big giant lie way back whenever) figures prominently in how we judge other people. One person's mental problem is another person's lame excuse, which is, in turn, another person's miracle. Unless we live the life, we can't draw the conclusion, but based upon our own prejudices, crimes, morals, or lascivious desires, we'll go ahead and draw a conclusion anyway, since, hell, we got a few minutes.
Old, tired philosophy, I know, but, wow, how poignant it still is when we are faced with a fact and still can't find consensus on it. Some people will even purposely go against the grain just to wreck the fact. Why is OJ free? Why did Blake get to the American Idol final? Why do I buy gas at the cheapest station in town and still think I'm getting a deal?
All I know is that if I disappear for three days, and my alibi's a lie, I still better take a dive off a ravine just to make sure I earn the badge.
The big story in my humble town, in some circles, goes a little something like this:
A guy. A middle-aged, married, healthy, frisky-looking Northwest type, went jogging one Friday evening. He drove his car to a wooded spot and set upon the trails therein. At some point, he disappeared. A great big search ensued, taking the time of over 200 people, and a few dogs. Frowny news people reported, at the top of the hour, about everyone's diligence in trying to find this man. Despite all that, he was not found, and the search got called off. The worst got feared.
But, happy ending! Three days later, he wanders into his house at 11pm, to an understandably shocked wife. He had no scratches, no health issues, and, depending upon who you ask, no explanation as to why he went missing. Not that he didn't proffer an explanation: according to him, he did actually go jogging, but then fell off a ravine, got a knock on the head, and, for the next three days, drifted in and out of consciousness and, while drifting, remained fairly immobile.
However, he finally drifted back in long enough to make his way home and, now, it looks like an official miracle that he's alive.
Ooooh-kay.
Off the bat, let me make it clear, as our local police have done, that I will not officially dispute his story (I'll raise a bushy brow, all Mr. Spock-like, maybe, but not officially dispute). We have no idea what really happened to him. There are stories of college that I still tell that, if you buy me enough drinks (or give me a blog) I'll admit that I'm not so sure it actually happened the way I told it, though "that wedding party" and "the bride who invited me back to the hot tub" did, at some point, really occur on the same night. However, I can't say for sure that the very clothes-optional, clandestine, rum-heavy evening where I had to escape via the woods really happened exactly THAT evening.
But, what I WILL say is that, from the subsequent online reader comments tacked onto that jogger story, people have had varying "interpretations" of what may actually have happened on his evening (or three), and they range from "yeah, that could happen" to "hey, the guy may have mental problems" to "maybe he was abducted by aliens" to "okay, that was the lamest way to conceal an affair that I ever heard." It all proved to me that perspective, compassion (however misplaced), mixed with a little subjectivity (including some latent guilt about having told your own big giant lie way back whenever) figures prominently in how we judge other people. One person's mental problem is another person's lame excuse, which is, in turn, another person's miracle. Unless we live the life, we can't draw the conclusion, but based upon our own prejudices, crimes, morals, or lascivious desires, we'll go ahead and draw a conclusion anyway, since, hell, we got a few minutes.
Old, tired philosophy, I know, but, wow, how poignant it still is when we are faced with a fact and still can't find consensus on it. Some people will even purposely go against the grain just to wreck the fact. Why is OJ free? Why did Blake get to the American Idol final? Why do I buy gas at the cheapest station in town and still think I'm getting a deal?
All I know is that if I disappear for three days, and my alibi's a lie, I still better take a dive off a ravine just to make sure I earn the badge.
Elliot, 12:47 AM
4 Back at me:
a limo for a lame-o, perhaps???
well, at least he's home, and not MY husband... hee hee hee....
well, at least he's home, and not MY husband... hee hee hee....
My squash partner and i were talking about this story just this morning. She kept trying to make up ways why it could be true.
I just rolled my eyes at her.
The frustrating thing is that we never hear the real story, it just sort of fades from the news.
I just rolled my eyes at her.
The frustrating thing is that we never hear the real story, it just sort of fades from the news.
My husband walking in at 11pm three days later with that excuse?
MM hmmmm.
He would have stayed "missing", cause I would have buried him in the backyard.
MM hmmmm.
He would have stayed "missing", cause I would have buried him in the backyard.
"I still better take a dive off a ravine just to make sure I earn the badge."
You make me laugh.
You make me laugh.
